Sardarji Jokes

This is a small collection of sardar jokes.
Compiled by Harry

There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise
some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the
mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play ground".
Signed, "A Sardarji".

The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and
found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji ?!"

*************************************
This is is a letter from a sardarji mother to her
son at school ...
**************************************

Pyaarey Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldnt have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
THE weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning, I havent found out whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or uncle!
Your uncle jatindar fell into a whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for 3 days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. the driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. the other 2 friends drowned because they couldn't get the gate down.
there isn't much more news at this time. nothing much has happened.
love, mom
p.s. i was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.

Once Rajiv Gandhi was reading a book and Zail Singh happened to visit
him...
Zail Singh: What is that book about?
Rajiv Gandhi: Forget it.it's beyond you.
ZS: No please tell me...
RG: OK, it's about human psychology
ZS: What's that?
RG: See I told you to forget it!!
ZS: No please explain it to me.....
RG: OK it's like this ....Do you have a fishtank at home?
ZS: Yes
RG: Who feeds the fish in it?
ZS: My son
RG: Now I know that you're married!
ZS: Wow great yaar!!
ZS very impressed goes to Buta Singh
ZS: Today I learned something about human psychology!!
Buta Singh: Wow what is that!!
ZS: Forget it, it's beyond you!
BS: No please expain to me....
ZS: OK....Do you have a fish tank?
BS: No..
ZS: Then you're a homo!!!

Q: Why do surds wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: How do you keep a surd busy all day ? (1)
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Q: How does the surd confuse you ?
A: By finding the corner.

Q: How do you keep a surd busy all day ? (2)
A: Write P.T.O on both sides of a paper and give it to him.

Q: How do you confuse a surd?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: What about the surd wife who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.

Q: A surd is going to London on a plane; how do you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: What do you do when a surd throws a pin at you ?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

Q: What do you do when a surd throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on
��the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.

Q: How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: Why can't surds make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why do men like surd jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why do surds wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: How does a surd change a lightbulb?
A: He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: How does a surd tie his right shoe laces?
A: Place the left leg over the stool, and tie the right shoe laces.

Q: What does a surd say when you ask him if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on.��

Q: What do you get when you offer a surd a penny for him thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a surd on a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What do you see when you look into a surd's eyes?
A: The back of his head.

Q: What does a surd and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.

Q: Do you know what a sardarji who has one white paper but wants another, ��will do?
A: Take a photocopy of the white paper !!!

Q: What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
A: Just-beer Singh.

Q: What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?
A: Just-one Singh.

Q: What do you call a sikh scuba diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGH

Q: What do you call a better adapted sikh diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGH GILL

Q: What do you call a bald sardarjee?
A: BAL-WANT SINGH

Q: What does a sardarjee say to a whore ?
A:WHORE JEE, KI HAL HAI ?

Q: What is a jiving Sardar called?
A: Breakdansingh.

Q: What do you call a sikh female's boyfriend?
A: Her Pal Singh

Q: Who is that guy visiting the Golden Temple everyday?
A: Har Mandir Singh.

Q: Who is he who has many publications to his credit?
A: Journal Singh

Q: What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a white flag in his hand?
A: Surrender Singh

A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. Said the surd: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

SURD 1: Have you ever read Shakespeare?
SURD 2: No, who wrote it?

SURD: Excuse me sir, what time is it?
MAN : It's 3:15.
SURD: (puzzled look on his face) You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been
��asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.

A surd was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "Oh, shucks", turned around, and drove home.

On his way home the same surd drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.

There was a surd driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was recalling surd joke after surd joke until the surd was so mad, he turned his radio off. A mile down the road, he saw another surd out on a wheat field, sitting in a boat and rowing. The surd stopped his car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it is surds like you that give us all a bad name. If only I could swim, I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

Santa Singh was walking on the Road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne wala gadha". Santa Singh thought for a while, erased it and wrote back, "Likhne wala gadha"

Santa Singh and Banta Singh lived in a multi-storeyed building on the first floor and the eighth floor respectively. There was a lot of bad blood between them. Once Banta tried to fool Santa by calling him for dinner. When Santa reached the eighth floor, he saw Banta's house was locked and a board was hanging on the door, on which was written - "Kaisa ulloo banaya". Santa thought awhile and turning the board to the other side, wrote: "Main to yahan aayaa hee nahin tha".

Banta Singh had a bitter quarrel with his wife. In his anger he prayed loudly "Hey Bhagwan! mujhey uttha ley". Mrs. Banta prayed: "Hey Bhagwan! mujhey uttha ley". Banta Singh quickly amended his prayer: "Hey Bhagwan! tu iske sun ley"

Santa : Yaar, Where does the sun go at night?
Banta : It does not go anywhere. It remains there only, but due to darkness
�� we can't see it.

One night Banta Singh was walking homewards when a thief jumped on him all of a sudden. Banta and the thief were caught in a terrific tussle. They rolled about on the ground, and Banta put up a tremendous fight, until at last the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Banta's pockets and searched him all over. There was only a 25-paise coin he could lay his hands on. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Banta why he had bothered to fight so hard just for a 25-paise. "Was that all you wanted?" said Banta, "I thought you were after the five-hundred rupees I've got in my shoe!"

A Sardar took an answering machine home to Punjab. Two days later, he disconnected it, because he was getting complaints - "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai - ghar pe nahin hai"

Santa goes to see Spielberg's Jurassic Park. When the dinosaurs start running on the screen towards him, he starts cowering in his seat. Banta asked him: "kyon Santu, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai .. cinema hi to hai". Santa replied: "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai .. pata hai ki cinema hai. Lekin voh to janwar hai � usko kya pata "

Santa Singh was seen going to the same movie everyday for a week. So Banta asked him one day: "Arre ..yaar, kyon itni acchi lagi kya, ki roz har show ke liye aa rahe ho?". Santa replied with a bit of embarassment on his face: "..heh ..heh �Ek scene hai - jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utar deti hai lekin thabhi ek saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saali train kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi - .. heh .. heh ..!"

A Sardarji was on his way to commit suicide on the railway tracks, and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stopped him and asked: "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?". The Sardarji replied: "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

Do you know what a Sardarji will do after taking photocopy ? He will compare it with the original f or spelling mistakes !!

Once Santa Singh was travelling in a train. He felt sleepy, so he gave the guy sitting opposite him Rs.20 to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when Santa fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, Santa was promptly woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face....and...screamed.. when he saw his own face in the mirror. Concerned, his wife came running and asked: "What's the matter?" Santa was fuming and replied: "The cheat on the train ...took Rs.20...but woke up someone else!!"

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

Santa Singh was going about looking depressed. Banta was really moved:
Banta: What happened yaar .. you look as if you have lost everything in life!
Santa: (now almost close to tears)Yaar .. I lost Rs.2,000 in a bet y'day
Banta: What bet?
Santa: You know .. the last match between India and Sri Lanka? I took a bet
��with another guy for Rs.1000 that India will win .. and India lost.
Banta: But you said you lost Rs.2000!!
Santa: (looking more mournful) The problem was .. I ..I .. bet Rs.1000 on the
�� highlights too!

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji were called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer", and BUZZZZZZ.... goes the lie detector. "Ok ..ok ..10 bottles", he says. And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers", and BUZZZZZZ .... goes the lie detector. "Awright .. awright � 8 hamburgers". And the machine is silent.

The Sardarji says: "I think...", and BUZZZZZZ �.. goes the machine.

Banta Singh had just finished his English exam and was looking glum. Santa asked him why he was looking so sad. Said Banta: "It was OK � but there was this question .. What is the past tense of THINK? I thought �. thought �. thought ... and at last wrote THUNK !!!"

Banta was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices, " said Banta. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

Santa and Banta got fed up with the Deve Gowda Government and decided to blow up Parliament House. They put RDX in the back seat of their Maruti and were off on their mission. Santa, who was already a little squeamish, asked in a low voice: "Bantaiyyaa! What if the bomb went off right now?". Brave Banta said "Don't worry ! I've got a spare bomb in the trunk."

So this Sardar (who else .. Santa of course) was walking the other day and came across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he was thinking just then? "Saala aaj bhi girna padega ..."

Rajdani Express was running a couple of hours late (as usual) and suddenly a gang of dacoits had got into one of the compartments. The dacoit leader held a syringe filled with a red fluid and said: "This contains HIV infected blood. Everybody better hand-over all your belongings ..or else .. we will inject this blood". All the people were terrified ... all except Santa Singh. He just smiled and sat quietly. The dacoits began looting one by one and finally reached Santa's seat. But he didn't budge. The dacoit leader was annoyed "Hand over your things!", he shouted. But Santa only smiled. Three dacoits fell on him and began to forcibly take his things away. There was a long tussle .. they rolled on each other and thrashed against each other. Finally, Santa was overpowered and his wallet was taken away. The dacoit leader, who was already very upset, was more upset when he found only Rs.25 inside. "Bugger .. you will suffer for this", and he injected Santa with the HIV blood. But Santa only smiled. Soon the dacoits left and the people surrounded Santa. They were shocked .."Why did you resist? After all you had only Rs.25 .. and now .. what will you do? They have injected HIV blood". Santa only smiled and replied: "I am not worried. I am wearing condom"

Santa, a great patriot, was listening to Nehru's speech with rapt attention. Nehru was saying: "Bhayion ..I have slept with two women in my life!". And the crowd gasped. Panditji continued: "One is my wife .. and the other ... my mother !!". There was thunderous clapping, and Santa was impressed. The next time Santa got an opportunity, he said: "Bhayion I have slept with two women in my life!". The crowd gasped. And Santa let out: "Yes .. one is my wife ... and the other ... Nehru's mother !

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."

Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands
"Rubi!"
"Woof!"
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

Sardarji is sitting on a tree branch and sawing it. A passerby warns him
"Sardarji, you're gonna fall down!"
"Hardly," says he and falls. Then he looks after the passer-by and mumbles
"Must have been a wizard."

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.
"No," answers the RR man.
"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.

In the aftermath of the Debacle India received at the hands of WI, Indian Selectors faced with the dilemma of finding an opening Batsman to face the fiery WI Fast Bowlers.
Atlast a Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest... Here is the running commentary.
First ball : Perfect Late OutSwinger.Whizzes past Sardarji's = off-stump. Sardarji not drawn into playing a false stroke. WicketKeeper collects the Ball. Appreciative nod from the non-striker.
Second ball : Goes right between the Sardarji's bat and pads and over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji beaten but still unmoved.
Third ball : Is an unsettling bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji least perturbed. Marshall kinda surprised.
Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket- keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"
Sardarji walks upto the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now?
You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"

Q: What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? -
A: Because below 18 was not allowed.